“IT’S A MATTER OF ATTUNEMENT”: EXPLORING COUPLE COMMUNICATION IN TIMES OF CHILD LOSS AND CHILD CANCER

Confronted with something as fundamental as a cancer diagnosis or death of one's child, it is generally assumed that sharing the emotional impact of it, in the form of talking about it with the partner, is helpful and necessary in order to cope as an individual and as a couple. Undoubtedly, being able to talk to one another can be a way for connecting emotionally with the partner, and supporting each other through difficult times. However, couple communication in the context of childhood oncology or grieving the loss of a child is often challenging.Surprisingly only sparse attention is given to the meanings of not talking with the partner about one's emotions. It is rare that researchers address silence in families in an appreciative way. From a dialectical perspective on communication in personal relationships the value of both talking and not talking in a relationship with each other is emphasized. There is a need for open communication, and at the same time the need for privacy and silence within the partner relationship. This PhD project has the objective to explore the process of couple communication, talking and not talking, in the context of child cancer and the loss of a child. More specifically we want to better understand the meanings related to not talking with each other. In addition, our project includes the exploration of experiences and views of professionals working with partners whose child is in cancer treatment. This qualitative research is framed within a dialectical view on communication and therefore adds to the recent but limited literature on silences in grief literature, and is entirely new in cancer literature.We conducted 5 studies in two phases. Different study methodologies in qualitative research were used, with 3 different groups of participants In a first phase we explored the accounts of bereaved parents after the loss of their child to cancer. Our research with bereaved parents showed that the complex process of talking and not talking about the fear of death, and loss of their child, started from the moment of the cancer diagnosis. Therefore, in a second phase we studied the same research topic with parents whose child is in cancer treatment. In addition we explored the communication not only between partners but also with the professionals at the department of child oncology, through the accounts of the parents and the professionals. In our research exploring couple communication in times of child loss and child cancer, we found that parents hardly talk about their emotions with each other. Not talking can be understood in terms of a continuous attunement to oneself and the partner relationship, allowing them to go on in times of survival or grief.

Jaar van publicatie:2019